When I first started attending church as a youth it was drilled into my head, “You have to be certain about what you believe.” 1 Peter 3:15 was constantly quoted, “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.” I believe the spirit behind these exhortations is commendable; to be able to clearly understand and explain the basis of truth and faith. Yet, I found myself becoming obsessed with the ability to understand God completely and explain everything there is to know about him.
I quickly started categorizing God into defined subjects. I needed God to be intelligible. I contained God in a neat package so I could wrap my mind around him. This was the only way I could comprehend him. We call this discipline “systematic theology” and we have institutions that not only encourage it, but require it. It’s called seminary.
In seminary, I had to take three semesters of systematic theology. By the end of the three semesters, I had to write a paper of my own organized understanding of God called a “Statement of Faith”. (You can even check it out.) One of my classmates complained, “I can’t believe we have to take systematic theology. If you’re going to seminary, you should already have your Statement of Faith done before you enroll.” Really? I’ve been a Christian for 12 years, went to seminary for 3, been in fulltime ministry for 5, and lived as a missionary in Cambodia for almost 3. I am now finding that I’m more confused about God than ever.
I am not denying that writing a Statement of Faith was helpful and maybe even necessary at the time. It did help me clarify my thoughts about important aspects of faith. However, I now realize that I need to reopen those tightly enclosed boxes that I so neatly wrapped God in. This process has rocked my world. My understanding of faith and theology is being blown apart. I’m realizing God isn’t as comprehensible as I thought. I’ve found that all I’m really sure of is “God is good and God is love” and that I need Him. That’s it! Pretty pathetic considering I’m suppose to be a Bible teacher.
I’m coming to appreciate more and more our brothers and sisters from the Catholic and Orthodox faith where the mystery of God is upheld as sacred. Even Muslims practice the discipline of describing God by what He is not, rather than what He is as to avoid limits to His character.
I am the one in the box, not God. God is uncontainable, uncontrollable, and unfathomable. The question is, “Am I ok with it”? Can I love a God who I cannot grasp?
“Can you fathom the mysteries of God?
Can you probe the limits of the Almighty?
They are higher than the heavens–what can you do?
They are deeper than the depths of the grave–what can you know?
Their measure is longer than the earth
and wider than the sea.
Job 11-7-9
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Yes! At least you have the guts to show your Statement of Faith! I remember of being absolutely terrified of writing exactly what I believed in that class — about our salvation being 100% God’s choice and 100% our choosing — thinking that I’d be branded a heretic, or at least a loose thinker. So I hedged a bit. But that issue is tame compared to the stuff God’s been having me wrestle with since then. Whoa, has it been 8 years since Gordon-Conwell already? As the old joke around seminary said: how in the world did we become Masters of Divinity — shouldn’t we be mastered by Divinity instead?
I can identify, and I say, “Amen!” (although I too still agree with absolutely everything I wrote in my Statement of Faith). I like James’s “Mastered by Divinity” statement!
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