Afajita

When we came to Cambodia I was a complete novice at motherhood. Silas was only 5 months old. I kind of made it a point not to read too many of those “How to Raise Kids the Right Way” books. All the contradictory advice is much too confusing; so Danny and I figured we’d just wing it, the “trial by error” technique. Now that we’ve lived in Cambodia for 3 years already, and our kids are still alive, I’m glad I put those books aside. I’ve realized that not only is parenting advice inconsistent, it’s also impractical for a place like this.

In Cambodia, if you leave a baby to cry for more than 5 minutes, they’d want to call DSS on you (if such a thing existed). Babies are meant to be held at ALL times. No need for “attachment parenting” counsel here. There’s no such thing as a “baby monitor”. Why would you have a little toy “watch” your baby when there’s always someone–mom, grandma, auntie, big sister and neighbors looking after him?

There is no fuss over how to set up the nursery, because there is no nursery. Most Cambodian homes are one room houses. Everyone, mom, dad, kids, grandma, the neighbor’s kids…sleeps in that one room. (It makes me wonder, “How then are Cambodians able to have so many kids?” But the thought gets too disturbing to give it any more than a few seconds.) If a baby cries at night it wakes everyone up, including the neighbor who lives no more than a couple feet away. Good luck letting junior cry it out. Baby sleeps next to mommy so at the tiniest whimper he can be comforted and nursed.

Moreover, having to use mosquito nets makes things much more complicated if baby is in another bed. Whenever you need to get him you would have to undo your net, get out of bed, redo your net, undo baby’s net, get the baby, redo baby’s net, re-undo your net, bring the baby into your bed, fix the net … by now, there’s at least 20 mosquitoes in bed with you. Therefore, most babies sleep with mom at least until they are fully weaned at about 2 or 3 years old. (We have a friend who claims he nursed until he was 10, but that’s a story for another time.) At this point, they may graduate to sleeping with their siblings.

Cambodian babies start eating solids at around 6 months old. There is no need for preserved baby food from the jar. Baby food, made fresh everyday, is usually watered down rice porridge boiled in meat broth. Mom grinds up tough meat and veggie by chewing it and then giving it to baby. (Don’t worry, we use a blender.)

Because most Cambodians traditionally eat off the floor, there is no such thing as teaching “table manners” or “being excused”. Once a child is old enough to eat by themselves, they are set free to run around like the chickens and dogs. They only come home when they’re hungry or they just snack from neighbor to neighbor. When we lived in Beng Trabek, we would often see Silas roaming around the neighborhood with his babysitter munching on a carrot from one hand and a cucumber from the other. If there is a finicky kid who doesn’t like to eat, they are often seen being chased around with a spoon.

There is no diaper training in Cambodia because there are no diapers. Babies are left bottomless for the first year or two; in the countryside, even longer. It’s not uncommon to see little kids (and grown men) pee off a balcony, out a window, or on the side of the street. Babies pee and poo pretty much anywhere. If it’s inside, the poop is simply cleaned up. Pee is not considered gross so it’s just wiped up like spilled water.

There is no such thing as “boy” and “girl” clothes for babies. IF a baby has any clothes, it doesn’t matter what color they are wearing. You would not believe how often people ask if Cassia is a boy or girl even when she’s wearing a pink dress with hearts on it. When Silas turned one, a neighbor gave Silas hot pink shorts. They were knitted by hand so we had to have him wear them. We promised Silas we would NEVER take a picture of him in those shorts, EVER!

In some ways, it’s a lot easier to raise kids in Cambodia. Life is just so much simpler. There are no fancy bottle sanitizers, smell proof trash cans, strollers, vibrating bouncers, Baby Einstein…I wonder what Cambodians would think if they visited a Babies R Us. If I told them about baby registry, what would wig them out more, the amount Americans buy for babies or the laser gun that you use to pick out the gifts? (Ok, ok, I confess! I too went trigger happy when I was doing registry for Silas.)

One thing I learned about parenting from Cambodia is “it’s not what you provide for your kids as much as how you nurture them”. I once heard someone ask, “Is it true that Americans make their babies sleep alone in a cage?” If they only knew about times outs, crying it out, playing by yourself…