After work today I took a bike ride along the riverfront with Silas. As I pedaled along, I had one of those “all is right with the world” moments. It was cool, breezy and remarkably serene. The Mekong was placid, traffic was non-existent, the the pristine azure sky was dotted with kites, and the sun was just beginning to set. This experience triggered childhood memories of the waning days of summer vacation. Each year, with the days growing shorter, the weather becoming cooler, and school’s beginning nearer, I came to accept that my “endless summer” was coming to a close.
The parallels between my childhood summers and the last 3 ½ years in Cambodia are many. The most obvious of course is the weather. It’s now been, with one exception, nearly four years since I’ve felt cold. (That exception was an evening spent sledding with Silas at Snow City.) Due to the perpetual warm weather, I can enjoy year round “summer” activities such as water park excursions and birthday pool parties. Last year we even had a BBQ on Christmas.
The most significant parallel though is also the most intangible. The last 3½ years here have felt like an endless summer because I’ve enjoyed enjoyed them so much. Though this certainly hasn’t been a vacation, the joys of living and serving here have far outweighed the costs. Perhaps joy isn’t the right word. I think contentment is what I’m really experiencing. I am content to a degree that I never thought possible. Since moving to Kampong Cham I’ve often found myself gushing forth extended prayers of gratitude because life is so amazingly sweet. It therefore saddens me that my endless summer is coming to a close. In the past 2 weeks I have begun to grieve leaving. It almost doesn’t seem possible that that I may never return to Cambodia when I leave this May or June.
On one level, I am tempted to simply stay. Anita and I could get other jobs here which would be just as “Christian” and possibly may even pay more. Silas could enroll in the international school, and Cassia could also grow up bilingual. Fortunately, I never allow myself more than a brief moment to indulge in these fantasies. Just as surely as I know that God called us here I am sure that he is now calling us to leave. Since we are followers of the Way, I know that submission to will of God is the only real way forward. Continued contentment is not dependent upon being in Cambodia but on being in sync with God.
For now my biggest struggle is to live in the present. This is often challenging since my entire job is prepare for the day when I’m no longer around. It takes effort to think about next year in the States just enough to be responsible but without becoming obsessively speculative. In other words, I’m struggling to enjoy summer while it lasts.
Post a Comment